Knowing When to Get Help

You feel swamped, overwhelmed, you don’t even know where to start. You want help, you realize you need help, but the thought of trying to go about getting help is overwhelming. What kind of help do you need? How do you know you are getting someone ‘good’ and what does a good therapist even look like? 

For the sake of this article help does not necessarily mean psychological help. As you go through the steps listed below you might realize you need someone to help out around the home more, or that you need more assistance with work. While talk therapy certainly can help you practice how to go about advocating for your needs at the end of the day you will still need to ask for the appropriate help in the setting in which you need it. So while this article will focus on when to ask for talk therapy it is important to note that the help you require might be different! 

When we are stressed out and feeling overwhelmed we often know that getting help would likely be the best thing for us to do. The problem is we are already stretched too thin and have no mental resources left to ask for help with. It can be very difficult finding the time to get help and honestly likely help was needed much before you reached this moment. Let us take the time to examine how to get help before you are burned out, how to access care when you are burned out, and how to set yourself up to get help when needed in the future.

Getting Help Before You Burn Out

Prevention is always going to be easier than fixing a problem that has gotten big. How though do we know when we need help? Our minds do not have a check engine light that lets us know its time to go in and seek care (though likely many of us would just ignore this as we do with our cars!). Learning how to check in with yourself and understanding your clues can be highly beneficial for knowing how and when to reach out for help.

Check in with the people who care about you. Ask them what clues they notice when you are starting to get overwhelmed. Often we have external cues that demonstrate how we are feeling. For example, I clue in to my stress level by noting how often I’m sighing. It’s not uncommon to need to learn how to recognize your warning signs. Take time to check in with yourself to see what signs of stress you can make note of and used to gage how stressed out you are.

USING A CALENDAR 

Keeping track of what you have going on can be a powerful tool for understanding when you need help. Keeping all of your appointments and important dates in one place can seem crowded and overwhelming it is important as you can physically see when you have times of high stress coming. Seeing that you have a week with big deadlines, important events for family and also other projects can help you realize that you need to have more in your energy tank for that week, or can help you move some things around if you are able. 

Keeping such a calendar can also help you with self-advocacy in a work environment. If your job has a lot of deadlines that are all coming up at one it can be helpful to show a manager what is going on and to discuss how all the deadlines being at once can negatively impact your quality of work. It can also be a useful tool within a family setting for discussing chores or other family related events and getting others in the household to step in and assist. 

WRITE DOWN YOUR PROJECTS 

Sometimes things we are working on do not warrant being on the calendar list. This can be household items such as laundry or perhaps we are working on a part of a project that is ongoing. As our calendar is not full that week it might be difficult to recognize that you are stressed out. Taking a moment to write out all of the projects that you are working on can be very helpful when trying to understand how much strain you might be under. A good way to approach the list is to write everything out, then to ask yourself if a friend told you this was all they were working on would you consider it to be too much? If the answer is yes then likely you have too much going on and can use some help. 

ANNUAL CHECKINS 

We go for physicals annually, why not plan on going to see a therapist annually as well? Checking in with a mental health provider once or twice a year can help be a place to check in to ensure that you are not doing too much and that you are staying on track for personal and/or professional goals. Also if you are in the habit of checking in with a professional regularly it can increase the chances of booking an appointment between regular visits when needed. Having a therapist that you are familiar with and trust greatly decreases the stress involved with finding help when needed. 

Knowing Burnout

Burnout is not a clinical term. It is the term that we often use to explain the mental fatigue that comes from doing too much or having too many demands on our time and/or resources. Our lives are filled with many mental tasks, such as managing our calendar, keeping track of projects, social engagement, care taking, and so on. All of these tasks can start to pile up and become overwhelming. 

Some signs that you are reaching burn out can include forgetfulness, not feeling rested upon waking, difficulty with focus and/or concentration, irritability, disinterest in activities. Though the above are common signs from burnout everyone is different and how burnout presents for you might be different. If you are starting to experience any of the above you likely need help. What type of help though? 

TALK WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

If your friends and family are the type to want to help reach out to them. Let them know that you have been feeling down, or overwhelmed. Also, tell them what you need. Sometimes we just need to process what is happening in our lives and do not want solutions. Often when we are discussing problems we are having the other person will want to find ways to solve those problems. Tell the person what you want or need from the interaction. Saying something such as; “I’m going through a lot right now and I would love to talk through it all with you, I don’t really want suggestions on what to do, I more just need to process it all with you” can help to ensure that both of you are getting what you want out of the situation.

Your friends and family also might be able to help you with what is going on. They maybe have ideas or can take over projects for you. Think about their offer and if you want to accept their help or not. There can be times where we want to keep all of our projects, but knowing when and how to delegate or step away from something can be beneficial. 

TALKING TO A THERAPIST

Therapists, to include psychologists, councilors, and social workers, are specifically trained on how to help people going through difficult times. Working with a therapist does not mean that something is wrong with you or that you are crazy. It might be helpful to think of therapy as consolation for your brain and behaviors. Therapists are behavioral experts and their help can do wonders for helping you learn how to manage the different challenges in your life. 

Preventing Future Burnout

As noted above prevention is going to be easier than treatment. There are a few behaviors that we can engage in that help to decrease the chances of burning out. Creating habits that include these behaviors can help prevent future burnout.

LEARNING TO SAY NO

Often one of the biggest problems we can have is taking on too many tasks. Whether this be at home or at work if people know that we will say ‘yes’ to whatever is asked, they will not ask others. Learning how to simply say ‘no’ is a powerful tool in preventing burnout. 

Saying no can be difficult for some. One way to help ease yourself into saying no is through asking for time. Saying “Let me check with my schedule first to ensure I have enough time to dedicate to this” can really help with stepping to a no. Also, during that time the person might find someone else to do the task.

Another tool that you can utilize is to have a ‘no committee.’ A no committee is a group of people who will default to helping you say no to new projects. You have to provide them with a compelling argument as to why you can take on the new task. If you are unable to persuade the no committee that this tasks is something you can take on can help you better know when to say no. 

KEEPING TRACK OF TASKS

Keeping an up to date list of all the projects that you are working on can help you know if you are able to take on new tasks or not. Keep such a list and update it weekly. There are many programs or applications that one can use to help keep track of projects. Having such lists can also help you communicate achievements at work or school. As noted above if the list of projects is one where you would tell a friend it’s too much, it is too much for you as well, take a few things off the list and bring them back once other things are completed. 

SCHEDULE SELF-CARE

Self-care can take many forms. How we care for ourselves looks very different from person to person. Keep regular self-care as part of your weekly or monthly routine. It is also worth saying that you need to keep the self-care appointments that you make. Often when we get busy we tend to cut out self-care first. Self-care is not an indulgence, it is needed time to ensure that you have the mental resources needed to complete all of your other tasks. 

KEEPING THE FOUR PILLARS OF HEALTH

Keeping the four pillars of health is imperative for everyone. The four pillars are, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising, and doing what you enjoy with people you enjoy. For each it does not need to be too complicated for checking in. 

Sleep should be a minimum of seven hours per night. For diet you want to ensure that you are eating fruits and vegetables and avoiding excessive amounts of sugar. For exercise try to get at least thirty minuets of moderate activity four times a week. Ensure that you are taking time to do fun activities with your friends at least one time weekly. If you are doing all of the above and still not feeling well, that is defiantly a sign that it is time to get help. 

Final Thoughts

Knowing when to get the approbate help can be difficult. Finding ways to check in with yourself and to create regular checkups can be great tools. Remember it is not uncommon to not realize you are doing too much until you are feeling completely overwhelmed. It takes time to learn your own personal boundaries but it is an important skill to learn and will help prevent future burnout.